I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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