her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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