Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
