I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
