i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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