she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
