John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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