Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
