Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
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I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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