i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
