cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
