I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
