we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
