seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
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I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
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Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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