My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
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