Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
