I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
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Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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