i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
