why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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