he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
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Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
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If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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