thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
