I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
