im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
