I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
