is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
