take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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