I hope mine doesn't look like that
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
