life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I want to fling myself into the sun
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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