Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
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My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
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The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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