No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize