I want to make a zoo with you.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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