you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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