I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
