so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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