Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
