Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
