just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
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i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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