There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
