if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
