So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize