Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think im going to throw up on grandma
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!