you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
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you had me at cake vodka
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
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Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.