Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is