And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.