does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
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She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
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I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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