my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
