I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
