Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just cut my nipple shaving
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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