Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
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