after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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