Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
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so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
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No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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