We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
