Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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