Nicole vs. Life
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
