i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
