We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Life without a bra equals bliss.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
