shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
