i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
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