I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
