apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
