everyone is single if you try hard enough
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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