i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
