I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
