She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
