What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Floor bacon is actually really good
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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