The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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