so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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