you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
