I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
