I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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